After much scratching ,meowing, howling, prowling and insistence.The Cat of the Childless is clawing with a vengeance, its way out of the Big Bag of Stigma and leaping gently, with a great wisdom and sensitivity, into todays Society …
Everyday, we see the Internet, Newspapers and Glossies reports on Childless Women and their….Wait for it….Pain and Grief ? at not having had children for reasons connected to illness, relationships, fertility and social status. (Who would have guessed? Society had thought we’d decided to be Career Girls! Not Maternal or just Plain Selfish! GGGRRRRRR ). Celebrities are joining us full force and “Get Ready Ladies” because.The Wave will be crashing down and flooding the mainstream media very soon.
Fuelled by Childless Internet Groups such as ‘Gateway Women’ http://gateway-women.com …and Blogs by childless women, just crying out for some kind of release from the pain, isolation and exhaustion of being childless. Childless Women or Nomos (whatever we call ourselves) are putting on their very bravest of faces , opening up and declaring the real facts… The pain, knowledge, wisdom, grief and the way to finding peace in life, is ‘Coming Out’ to the very great relief of all Childless people.
For Society as a whole ,it will be both shocking and educational . We will suffer the self indulgence wrath of some. However, there is nobody better qualified than us to speak , there is no Red Tape we must adhere to, no Boards to be judged by. For these stories have shaped our adult lives. … and if we are ready to talk, we must be as honest as we can be about what it has meant to us.
In the not too distant future, I envision people approaching me with ‘The P.C. thing to say’ (God knows, I hope we don’t come to that! ) Me, becoming their connection to ‘our world’ if you like…to question me and find out more about this ‘new!’ aspect of life..
In ten years, you will tell someone you don’t have children and they will know, not to relate a …’Miracle baby story or I’m so sorry…It will happen one day, line.’
They will nod and you will be assured they know this is a constant and sensitive fact of your life, you will open up about it, or just carry on with the conversation .. Everyone will be cool, chilled out……and you will feel supported…..You won’t be talked about as strange for not wanting to be at all social events and you wont be judged for ‘not trying hard enough’ I could go on, but you get the point.
Honestly? Why has it been so hard….?!
Recent celebrity media quotes from childless women have been along the lines of …….
“I always said I put my career first “… “The truth is I would have loved Children”… “We tried for years”… “It just didn’t happen”…”Its OK but it just hurts.” ……There will be many more, these women need their voice.We know the feeling.
We are going through a Revolution for Childless Women. For Centuries we have suffered alone and in silence. The trauma,sadness and judgement of remaining childless, while every fibre of our being craved to be a mother has stung us for a lifetime, at times rendering us desperate..…
WE have already done the hard work.WE have survived .WE have learned the hard way, in spite of the isolation. Now as we come together and our plight is recognised, the world comes to hear our stories. We are making history for women who follow. Women who will be childless in the future, who do not yet know which path their life will take. It will not stop suffering, but it will make being childless an acceptable status, with a recognisable grief and a solid support system. Society will learn to understand.
After a history of sentencing childless women to silence, pity, pain and shame, we are freeing ourselves of the chains of isolation, we can grieve and cry with love for our children that didn’t live in this world. We can hold up our heads in pride that we continue to go forward and give happiness and love .To be a force of strength and communication in this stifled world of limitation.
Together we can lift childless women all over the world, to a place of freedom, dignity and happiness. Educate society and offer the World the true gifts all women possess, regardless of their maternal status. Wisdom, compassion, love and strength.
I am very proud to be living in this generation, to be part of a movement of acknowledgement ,previously ignored, through fear and lack of knowledge. None of us know who will be affected……and everyone knows somebody. Through this exposure. Women will start to view their fertility and lives with a much clearer and realistic perspective. Away from the bright lights of the Current Media…..Oh Yes!!!….the ‘Cat’ is most definitely Out of the Bag.
‘Rocking the Life Unexpected’ By Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women. http://gateway-women.com. The Brilliant new book by Jody Day, an international pioneer for childless women. Available at Amazon.
‘ a meaningful and fulfilling life without children’