Forty Fit & FibroidFree

I say Fibroidfree as opposed to Fibroidless as I have chosen not to have fibroids.

Okay it is 3 months after my full hysterectomy and I have avoided writing about it , because apart from the physical details of major surgery I have been left with a kind of space of nothingness…..Space in my pelvis and space in my head! Which takes some getting used to..

So here goes! Bear with me …

Firstly I really thought I would have had a major magical experience, as though I had been freed from the chains of being childless. The ‘End of the end’ so to speak.I expected some kind of dramatic reassurance that it was all going to be fine now.In my mind it was the grand finale of a curtain coming down, bouquets of roses  and a golden lifetime achievement award for all the constant endured years of pain and heartache. An award which I would  gracefully and deservedly accept into my heart. A cure and measure of true strength of a hierarchical status.

To a certain extent that is the case. I do feel I have survived alot more than surgery.

There is obviously also a definite physical relief and that is really what I needed, just to be able to move forward. The feeling of not being constantly bloated and swollen from carrying a sack of organic fibroid potatoes around is truly liberating.  As is ,not having to rush to the loo every hour. I am now trying to drink my litre of water a day and training my pelvic floor to be far less flexible ! Of course I dont fall asleep after 4 or 5 hours now , due to anaemia or lose my breath.

And speaking of the physical, Ive  got to mention the sex! I had heard from a friend of mine who had a hysterectomy 5 years ago, that the sex gets better! Clearly not a reason to consider having it done but,well a bit of bonus I thought…Though was I worried about that? Well initially before the operation, I never thought about it at all. It wasn’t any consideration by comparison to everything else….and  afterwards ? In the 1st 8 weeks, I didn’t care if I never had sex again. But since then ,I’ve have actually done a it !!!!! ..But only in the last few weeks…and twice with myself.. ! 🙂  I was extremely worried if it still all worked, so I had to have a test run on my own for sensitivity and then I suddenly became very concerned as to what was in the abyss ? I really couldn’t go near it , for fear of a break on through to the other side???? all of a bit of an unforeseen tearful time.

However, I am delighted to report to you, that in full operation ,there has unbelievably been absolutely no loss of fabulous sensation! plus I’m sure I’ve ended up with an extra “happy stitch’ for being so brave ! Bit like being given a gold star. Women pay good money for that these days!

And other things have emerged from the experience, ones I couldn’t have imagined.For example. Now I haven’t ever got a clue what day or date it is .Not having a consistent working routine and not looking at the date.Nor do I write cheques or type or write letters ,as we have email.

For over 30 years, I have been mentally noting the dates of my periods, ovulations and looking forward to that 1 week in the month closest to sanity after the 3 weeks of body betrayal. My dramatic body clock, always knowing roughly what dates were, while I existed. Living my damaged life in the reproductive institution, on a 28 day rolling contract, for the whole of my adult life.

Still having my ovaries means I will keep ovulating, until menopause….So with that in my mind I am now registering twinges at particular times.Old habits die hard.

I’ve  had years of working up to this point always having to make the big decisions I never thought I would have to make, A hysterectomy is the ultimate and certainly isn’t on your wish list. However, I have no regrets at all.

I can only find positives from my experience of hysterectomy. Yes, I was extremely lucky to have a smooth operation with keyhole surgery and no complications.They took my womb which had become the size of a rugby ball, from me and I now have a little star shaped scar to prove it.I do not feel less of a woman,I have had to overcome that one for many years.But I do feel empowered and proud of myself by the choice I made to have it and would encourage other women in my position to do the same.

It has given me a clearer body, a clearer mind and a clearer vision for a future and a chance to take some control in my life.

For the 1st time in my adult life, I can freely make decisions.

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About infertilewoman45

I write about infertility and being childless, hopefully with a little humour ! Yes there can be such a thing ... :0) Activist within the Childless Community. Supporter of Gateway Women.
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